Welcome to my INTJ life

It is not the touching that is the problem. It is the boundaries that need to be controlled at all times.

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and feelings, and may not apply to all INTJ women in the world.

Solitary by nature, INTJs are fine without touching another person if they are not part of their inner circle and by that accepted as a touchable person. Add to that a Finnish culture (with at least two meters of personal space) and you get a Finnish INTJ woman. It’s hard to think of a personality who would dislike touching and cuddling more 😅

When it comes to me, I don’t like being touched by anyone if it is unannounced, even my family. I despise surprise hugs. Also, kissing to cheeks or hugging if we haven’t seen in a long time, is horrible. Can we skip to the good part and have a conversation, please?

Why does INTJ personality dislike touching?

I think it has something to do with the Ni part in our personality which means Introverted Intuition. INTJ lacks the sensing part (my husband has it and he is always hugging) and that makes us suffer when we need to show affection publicly.

Also, I am quite sure physical affection usually disrupts our thinking process. In a world that is in chaos, INTJ has to maintain some sort of peace and structure, hugging and cuddling interrupts that peaceful state by adding unpredictable other human being too close.

Touching is not ok, but surely cuddling will work?

Yeah, maybe it will. I have heard that most INTJ are touchy and cuddly with their loved ones. As a mother, I can relate to that as touching is important to my kid and I do not mind my son’s presence at all. We can cuddle from morning to evening if he likes. But, touching and cuddling use our inner energy. After those days with my son, I need another one just with myself to feel ok again.

I think this happens because INTJs have ‘Fi’ (introverted feeling). It means that when we INTJs do feel some kind of emotion, we feel it very deeply and if the cuddling is a part of taking care of a sick child or giving our partner a date night it means we tend to exhaust ourselves on hiding the amount of emotion we feel.

It is not typical for us to show emotion as we tend not to bother you with our feelings. But that is another blog post (or ten).

I can say from my experience that if you give enough space and safety with an honest connection to the INTJ, you will get the love, snuggles, cuddles, rainbows, unicorns, kisses, and hugs flow your way without lifting a finger. Just don’t expect INTJs to be clingy. We can ditch your ass the moment we feel you are not worthy.

Even though we INTJs allow physical contact, that doesn’t mean we want it constantly. Keep that in mind if you have INTJ as a friend, partner or a family member.