There is no other personality type that loves to spend time alone more than INTJ. But the moments of solitude are not always full of happiness as we might think.
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When you think about yourself or someone you know who is INTJ, it’s quite clear that they aren’t traditionally affectionate. Their way of showing appreciation is different than what most people are used to.
Same goes with the concept of loneliness. The people (like INTJ) the concept of not being lonely is totally different compared to regular people.
Our way of not feeling lonely comes from a deep understanding between people and not time spent together. That keeps things interesting as many want to spend time together to feel heard or listened to.
Why synonym for loneliness?
- It is lonely at the top when no one else sees the bigger picture you are trying to develop to keep the wheels running.
- It is lonely at the front line when the only one who has the courage to challenge the stakeholder’s decisions is you.
- It is lonely in the research center when no one believes in your idea and innovation.
- I could continue this list forever…
And then, then the INTJ comes home from the work and the “friends” or “partners” start to share their worries and feelings from their day.
Usually, INTJ just stays silent as we understand the concept of sharing, but sometimes we say something that hurts the other person’s feelings.
And it is not because of the things their partners or friends say are meaningless things to INTJ. No. We just want to help and then we give a solution without understanding that it feels like we are trying to solve our friend and partners’ life, not the thing they are sharing with us.
So, it is lonely at the top, but it is also lonelier when you do not speak the same language as others and there lies the main problem. INTJ way of showing affection is to solve problems
As you might guess, no one has ever solved anything for INTJ and that is the only love language our kind of person understands.
INTJ shows a lot of appreciation and caring but no one understands it
How to help INTJ to speak affection the same way as you do? What?! Wait, why would you want to do that?
I have seen it many times and felt it in my own relationships. I have tried to solve problems for life, and the other person has tried to teach me to be normal. It does not work that way.
INTJ rather chooses to be alone than to be misunderstood. (I have a separate blog post for this: INTJs are the most misunderstood of all personality types)
We all have different kind of communication ways and the only way is to try to understand the other person enough. I have few examples of things that go sideways and might be the problem why INTJ can end up feeling lonely.
- INTJ can offer empathy, but the mind offers solutions as a declaration of love
- The non-INTJ does not value or understand the declaration and starts to feel manipulated in the relationship
- I tend to offer solutions no one wants to hear and accidentally end up hurting their feelings. I know how it feels to be left outside alone even though the only thing you tried to do was to help.
- Touching and cuddling overwhelm an INTJ
- Even though we INTJs allow physical contact, that doesn’t mean we want it constantly. Keep that in mind if you have INTJ as a friend, partner or family member.
- INTJ do not get so emotionally attached that we can’t think logically.
- Our personalities tend to solve problems and analyze situations, but the problem is that those are not the things people want to hear.
- Being emotionally distant does not mean unfeeling
- Sometimes INTJ might seem indifferent on the other persons thoughts and feelings: Indifference and INTJ PERSONALITY
Define loneliness to understand your personality
It is not an easy task to define the concept of loneliness from an INTJ perspective. Solitary people usually don’t need others to support them.
I think everyone needs their own tribe. Someone to call their people. For INTJ females it is a lot more difficult than for any other as all the feminine grouping gatherings are mystical to our analytic and rational minds.
But, define your loneliness and then solve it! That’s all you need. It is after all, just another puzzle. Figure out the way people interact. Figure out how you do it and voilà!
Getting friends and keeping them is just another way to understand how the world is built 🥰
We INTJs have all the possibilities in the world to become the most interesting person in the room.
For my fellow INTJ females, there is also another article to check out https://www.truity.com/blog/female-intj’s-guide-finding-friends-who-get-you
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